Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
