I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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