T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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