Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
