Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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