I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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