I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
