Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
