i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
