you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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