we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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