I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
