So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
