Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
