and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
