I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
