she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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