i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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