How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
