Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
