I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
