you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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