Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
