Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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