idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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