Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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