last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
