Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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