The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
