And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
