thus making me awesome and them whores
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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