"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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