That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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