I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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