Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
