You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
