If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
