Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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