Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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