Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
