I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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