I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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