you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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