Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
