Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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