Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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