Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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