tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
