I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
