dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
