It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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