And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
