I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Help. Why am I so naked?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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