It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
