Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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