She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
