I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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