I think I won the penis lottery.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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