Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
