I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
