so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
