Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
