Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
