first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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