Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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