You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
