You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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