she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
