I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
