i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
