i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
