Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
