i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
