That's intense
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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