she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
