Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
