dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
