the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
