I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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