haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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