I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
