i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
