Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
