as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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